Monday, September 12, 2016

Musing #22--Trees and Growing

I've been musing this morning about fall, and about trees, and about changes and growing.

Husband's and my growing apart started back with my difficult pregnancies. He had been raised in a home with one parent who was a narcissist and one who has victim syndrome. The combination made for an psychologically and emotionally abusive atmosphere. Both were good at their game though, and to outsiders, all looks well and fine...great even... until you look past their careful facade to see what was really going on. Him coming from that culture, and me with trust issues from previous relationships with, one in particular, psychologically abusive partner...our communication efforts were not ideal.
Things were rough. Miscarriages. High Risk Pregnancies. High Stress Work. Long Hours of Schooling. Hospitalization. Distance. And that's where many things start to go wrong for us.

As I've researched relationships and toxic relationships and communication. Talking through concerns and problems and getting it in the open is considered really important. Respectful venting, if you will. I couldn't communicate with Husband, he--at that point in time--had retreated to the familiarity of his previous culture. As many victims of abuse do. And wasn't open to understanding what was really going on there. So, I had Word Documents. I vented like mad in those word documents. And boy, are some of them 'red-headed.' It is relieving and I think it helped in holding us together (because I didn't explode before I could wrap my mind fully around what was going on.)

But I also have another document. "Life's Little Enjoyments." Because gratitude is essential to any healthy lifestyle. And if I spend my entire time venting, I become bitter and cynical, and mean. (I know this because I have moments...or days...or weeks...when I do fixate on the venting and spiral into negativity...and it's hard to climb out of.) These little enjoyments pull me out of the tough stuff and help me look around at the good. I was reading back through them today. And 'fall,' 'crunchy leaves,' 'fall colors,' 'trees,' and the like were sprinkled throughout the years, many, many times. I LOVE fall.

I love the smell. I love that everything goes into hibernation (because I would sleep all day and maybe more, if I was allowed and had nothing else I had to do. I. love. to. sleep.) And that, in spring it all comes back to life. I love shade from trees. I love how massive trees start out as little twigs despite winds and snow and heat and hail.. I love the million different symbolisms you can find in trees and how each one brings hope.

This is a tree in our yard. It's lovely. But like everything in our new life, it's representative of us starting over. Because there is that one...rather large and noticeable, dead spot, as well as some other ones hidden beneath that the picture doesn't show. It's going to take some major pruning, watering, and fertilizing, consulting an arborist to see if it's diseased and what we can do about that to make sure this tree survives. But it's hopefully not too late yet. But it could be if we put it off much longer.

Maybe it's a lame cliche, but as I was musing about trees today, I mused about the parallels. Happy Fall! Enjoy the colors. The crockpot soup! The crunchy leaves! The smell of fall! And the changing of the seasons! It's all good. All of it.


  1. I'm so excited I found your blog. I'm dealing with problem in-laws too. I love the openness and honesty, because relationships are hard! That hand print tree is really cute too, I think I'll try that with my son.

  2. Thank you Ann! I'm glad you found my blog too. Thanks for taking the time to read and follow, and comment. Maybe we can help each other out a bit. I'd love to see your hand print tree!