Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Musing# 29--My Train Wreck Called 'Wedding Day'

We just recently 'celebrated' our 10 year anniversary.

It seems like, for most couples, this is a milestone that calls for a trip to Hawaii or a cruise or a night away or candle-lit dinner in the yard with twinkle lights or something amazing that usually occurs depending on budgets and time. 10 years is a big deal. I kind of feel like we faked our way to 10 years. Like it was all a sham almost. We hardly know each other. Shoot, in light of current events, we hardly know ourselves.

For our 10 year anniversary, we bought an (ugly-with-potential) house, husband started a new job, we moved to a new state, and we decided not to get a divorce. And we decided to try again.

So, in reality, I kind of feel like it's our wedding date all over again. And our 20 year anniversary, will really be our 10 year.

That confusing train of thought led me to muse about my wedding day. Oh what a train wreck. My mother, was trying to control things in her way...we are of a similar mold...just different ideas. I wanted pictures, lots of them. I love pictures. In 'her day,' she only had a couple pictures and those weren't important to her. We didn't see eye to eye on the importance of caused friction.

And then there was Husband's mother....I feel like I should add a 'dun, dun, dun....' tune to this. This could get long, so lets just talk about a couple things: She wore a white dress. Yup. She did. Made disapproving faces in all the pictures. And was caught with pouty faces on the video saying things like 'what a sad day, etc' more than once. And with her husband sang a song at the luncheon (where we had specifically requested no 'talent show stuff') that literally had the words "she's good enough for now, until something better comes along." But before the pictures and luncheon, when we arrived to enter the room in which we would be united, she met us outside the door, gushing all over the place, pretending like she hadn't tried desperately to break us up for the last few months. Then, when she had wedged her way between us, and we weren't holding hands anymore, she escorted my fiancee' into the room, and I trailed in after.

And that, was a foreshadowing of what her roll would be in our lives for the next 9 years. (Not even going into Husband's father's roll, which was worse...)

I've been musing over that the last few days, and trying really hard to move past it and see the path that we are on now. But I'm feeling robbed of the last 10 years. I'm feeling angry at them for the abuse and manipulation of their son. I'm angry at the toxicity that they brought into my marriage without my permission, and despite our efforts. That it took total break of contact to start to repair the damage of the last 10 years. That my kids have to deal with and understand, at such young ages, a kind of selfishness and manipulation that they should not have to.

Despite all my research on the matter, I am not handling this well. I know all the steps. But putting them into place is not as easily done. Right now I'm just angry.

Here's to hoping I can have a better perspective tomorrow...


  1. I am so sorry. :( My wedding day is one I try not to think about simply because of the 6 years of wedded misery that followed. My inlaws weren't awful at our wedding, thank goodness, but that day ushered in more dysfunction and abuse than I could have ever imagined in my 23 years prior to it. We endured a good 10 years of their abuse. I am hoping for you that this will be the turning point for your marriage and relationship with your inlaws (even if that means continued estrangement for the health if your family).

    1. I'm sorry. Wedding days shouldn't be clouded by abusive in-laws. I'm so glad that you got out of it. Thank you. I'm hoping for good things as well. We are also at our 10 years. Seems a good time to put a foot down. :)