Thursday, September 22, 2016

Musing #30--Yelling at Kids--Giving them a voice

I don't know what it is about crayons, but they multiply at our house. About five years ago, I had to do something with the excess. I saw a number of ideas on Pinterest and decided to make a couple canvases. I glued crayons to the canvases, then blow dryed them like crazy, turning the canvas to direct the wax as much as I could. Mine aren't nearly as professional or neat as the ones I saw back then, used crayons and all, but I love them.

I was musing about these on my walk back from dropping the kidlets off at school this morning. It had rained last night and I thought of the picture with the kids in the crayon 'rain.' 

I still have no voice. It's going on a week now of painfully croaking out bits of sound when I want to try and talk. I've had to be very selective of what and when I say something to my kidlets. 

Yesterday at the library I saw a dad whacking his son upside the head and yelling at him. What? I don't really know, but the boy was in tears and the dad kept yelling. And today, a mom pushing a double stroller and pulling a dog was screaming orders to 'run kid! go! now!' to her confused kindergartner to get to school. Now, I get it. I have been known to loose it, go scream frustrations into my pillow. Get on my soapbox to kids who just nod their heads, and think mom's lost it. Or impatiently rush my kids along. No judgement from me, I don't know the whole story here. 

As I mentioned before, being sick...with no voice...has given me time to observe. I watched the looks on those kids' faces. I saw the look on the parents' faces. And neither one was what they wanted, they both looked hurt and discouraged, in both cases--and others I observed. And then I looked at my kids' faces, and I decided to quietly hand Chip a tissue instead of ordering her to blow her nose...again...then give her a hug. Or let Dale be a little more rambunctious than I usually would, but went over and gave him a hug when he started to get too wild instead of hollering to calm down or take it outside. I chose not to yell the orders. One--it hurt waaaay too much, but also, I kids need more love and recognition, a voice if you will. When I have mine. I don't let them have much of one. Which is a large part of what Husband is dealing with. He had no voice growing up. It was his parents' way...only...ever...period. And rage attacks would occur if one would deviate a centimeter from what they wanted. So, I've decided as I've observed and listened to lots of voices...not many of them little ones...that I want to give my kidlets more of a voice.

I can be that guiding and teaching force in their lives, but they have great brains in their heads and can think of great things. I want to hear them. I want to discuss them. I want them to speak up.



  1. I believe my husband's childhood was similar. He was terrified of his mother's anger, and the borderline (if not absolutely) abusive corporal punishment doled out by his father. Our children don't know that fear, thank God. But I don't think we can ever err as parents in being too kind of loving toward our children.

    1. Agreed! I'm sorry your husband had to grow up with that. I bet he is a wonderful dad!