Thursday, September 15, 2016

Musing#26--Christianity, Taboos, Disagreements, Community, and Hope

It's not been an awesome week in the 'building' sense. For the house, or for us. Husband hasn't been home for dinner one night since Sunday, and wont be home in time for dinner until at least Monday. Dinner is huge for me. (Remember how much I like food?) But also, there are a few nights that I was promised, the kids were promised that he'd be home in time, only to be told as we're headed out the door he's not going to make it.

That's what gets me. The not being told something he knows for awhile until the last moment. Or being told something would happen, and it not happening at all...over and over. Giving work 100% and giving home the leftovers. (I am grateful for the job, I remember how stressed I was when Husband lost his last job. I am grateful for a hard worker.) Anyway, Dale has a part in his children's program at church and Husband promised him he'd be there. He can't make it. But he hasn't told Dale this, and Dale doesn't handle transitions well, he needs time to process. So help me, if he waits until Sunday morning to tell Dale I will burn his dinner for a month! (*gasp* not that! anything but that)

Which brings us to the purpose of my post. Not to air our dirty laundry and my frustrations, I'm sure Husband has a list of his own.

I'm a Christian. I love my religion. I try to live what I believe and try to be a good person. That being said, I believe there is a type of taboo in the Christian (and many religions) religion on troubles in marriages. Big troubles or little troubles. Everyone (stereotyping) feels the need to portray a perfect marriage. Which is all fine and good, be an example to our kids and such. But I also feel like if there were a community to work through things with, healthier relationships would be the result, and we wouldn't have to act, we could be real. We could teach our kids how to solve problems, how to communicate, and how to be honest.

With my frustrations building this week, and communication dwindling between Husband and I, I went to the internet to try and find some advice. (I've researched the stuff, but when I'm in the moment with Husband, my mind turns I need refreshers). But aside from one or two uplifting Blogs, many of the relationship sites were quite intimate in subjects and detail with even links to porn sites to help people 'relax' before attempting to solve their relationship issues. Quickly navigating away from those, I decided I would share my hopes with you.

My hope is not to build a community to replace a spouse or significant other, as far as communicating goes. But rather to build a community that supports each other through the hard stuff. With experiences that we can all relate to help each other through and uplift each other and encourage each other with. A community that wants to fight for relationships with those we love.

I would love to follow your blogs. Please follow mine. Lets build a community of clean support and uplifting hope. That we can make families and couples stronger through the tough stuff, as big or seemingly small. Not shy away from it, but face it head on and deal with it, and overcome it and grow from it--grow from each other.

This is a screenshot of my internet. I never close this site. I love this picture and am saving up to buy a large canvas of this for my entryway. Isn't it beautiful? Jesus reaching out to Paul. It's called Save me, the Hand of God  I always imagine he's reaching out to me.


  1. I don't blog anymore, so I have nothing to refer you to. I'm a big time DIYer/homeschooling/WAH/chauffer-to-too-many-activities mom that quit trying to blog years ago. I am a Christian, as well. My husband believes, but avoids church and church people. He only comes when our kids sing up front... if he isn't out of town. That's hard because the kids and I are there for everything. We're already not the picture perfect Christian family. But I understand the pressure to be one. :( I admire your candidacy about your marriage and life. We need more cadid support in our picture perfect media world.

    1. Kudos to your family! That is a tough spot. Church people can be overwhelming. Some of the truest believers I know are the quiet ones who may not go to church, but they are more Christian in their lives than many of us at church. And homeschooling!! Goodness, I wanted to do that. I researched it, and was all set, but didn't feel right about it. Got that sick feeling in my stomach. I really admire homeschoolers, and am a bit jealous, if I'm being truly honest. But for whatever reason, it's not right for our family. God bless you in your efforts! (PS. Thank you for all your comments. I've loved getting to know you a bit through them)

  2. Absolutely! I hope it's not too weird to comment that much, but it is unusual to actually "meet" someone whose driving forces and fears are things you completely understand because you share them. I HATE how much we have in common in the unhealthy emotional areas of our lives, but those are the areas in which, I believe, we need the most understanding and support. There is nothing quite like someone else who "gets it". Many outsiders find it easy to say give it up, get a divorce, etc. But we understand that, despite the ugly struggles, we're married to good men who want to be better, but who simply got the short end of the stick when it came to their upbringing. In reading through your blog, I believe your husband is a genuinely good man who is healing, as well.

    1. It's not weird. I'm so thankful to you. And I also hate that you had to go through all that. I'm so glad you and your family are in a good place now.
      He does try. Now that we know what we're fighting, he tries. And he has a lot of healing as well.