Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Musing #41--Manipulation and Smear Campaigns

My last five days have looked like this:

What is that 50lbs bag of Skittles doing in there?!?!? That wasn't ordered by the doctor! It must have snuck in the picture like it snuck into my last five days...and my waistline.

Chip is finally on the mend. We've had five days of 104 degree fevers, and some other exciting things. I'm exhausted and it's been worrisome.

But tests came back. It's a kidney infection with other minor add ons. And she's now been on antibiotics for two days and it's finally starting to calm down. Whew.

Back to routine.

I mentioned on facebook about Husband's parents using my parents to send my kids things--letters, books, etc--trying to manipulate us all.

Here's a little more on that.

There is a knowledge that by sending it to my parents with the message 'we don't know where they are, and I just have to let my grandkids know I love them, please pass this on to them for us. This is the only address we know of to use.' Totally manipulates my parents and their heartstrings for their grandkids. Playing on the empathy (which is a complete narcissistic thing to do, because they do not posses empathy, and they use it as a weapon when they find it in others...not "if", mind you...they look for it and prey upon it.) A book I'm reading called Healing From Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas (brilliant book by the way) says 'It's a part of the human condition. It is the double-edged sword of compassion. Those who have been targeted are often very empathetic people...Tenderness...will be used against them time and time again by psychological abusers.' So my parents fork out money for postage and forward on the manipulative mail. Despite my trying to explain who these people are and what they are trying to do here. Which is: Control my children and completely discredit me as their mother and as a human. We intercept the mail anyway and each letter or book inscription is filled with manipulative, sugar-coated trash where they try and claim my kids, and put me through what is called a smear campaign, and manipulate their choices for now and their futures. And let me tell you. Over the last ten years, I have found Husband's parents to be MASTER smear campaigners...masters!

My mom just can't wrap her brain around it...that anyone could do that to another person, let alone their/her grandkids, and she's met my in-laws and aren't I exaggerating the situation just a bit? How could anything but fun surprises be in those packages? So she keeps sending them on. (We want them as evidence should we ever need them, but they should not have to pay the postage. I see my parents often enough that holding onto them until I see them next is sufficient, but with narcissists everything is dramatic and urgent.)

Anyway, I read the last book inscriptions (not to mention the books themselves were manipulating choices my kids could and should make on their own) and got so ticked off I chucked them across the room. It isn't enough that they tried to control our lives while there was still a line of communication open, but now they are worming their way into my mind from another continent.

Narcissistic definitions: Smear Campaign
Just like he was "so concerned about me" and the only reason he'd ever lose it was because he was SO worried about me...:

I'm so excited to be opening an Etsy shop. I don't know if anything will sell. But crafting is an outlet for me. I hope that what I can offer is accepted. I'm not in it to make money, cover costs--yes, but really, my hope is to sell enough that I don't have piles and piles of 'outlet crafting' in the corner of the house. I mean, my kids have more quilts than they could possibly use. I also ordered a bunch of new supplies to learn a new skill and hopefully it can be part of the shop. I really want to move past their campaign against me and continue to improve my life, my situation, my And I thought I'd ease into it with a new skill. I hope to open officially next week. Meanwhile working on some names that represent who I am and my goals. Any ideas?


  1. Did your in-laws just constantly harass you? Make up lies about you? Not to pry too much into your personal business but I'm just wondering what kind of things these narcissistic people do? I have come to the conclusion that I (unfortunately) know a narcissistic sociopath ... and I never knew it until I had been sucked into his web of lies and deceit and manipulation. I feel for you ... having had to live with that for so many years!

  2. You aren't prying too much at all! My hope is to build a community of support with those affected, and also bring light to something that is often swept under the rug.

    From the very beginning they would do everything possible to discredit me as a person of integrity, kindness, morals, or anything else. They would lie and when I wouldn't give them control of my mind, decisions, basically life. They would go on these smear campaigns to try and destroy the image of who I am as a person to anyone who would listen (and attempts at my own family and Husband). We didn't realize what was going on until we were in the middle of it as well. I've always known something was up...but never how much or how damaging. How are you doing with it all?

    1. I don't know if you read this post. But it kind of goes more into how they acted. It comes out in bits and pieces as things come up. A lot happened over those 10 years. Best of luck to you. And I'm praying that your situation improves and you can gain freedom!

  3. Oh my goodness! I can't even imagine my unlaws going to that extreme! My inlaws have met my dad... once. They've never met my mom or any of my extended family members because we didn't have a traditional wedding. They leave our kids alone. Mostly to get at my husband, but they made it very apparent from early on that the "other" grandkids were preferred because we actually had boundaries and rules for how they interacted with our kids. They blatanty favored our oldest son and wanted to take just him - and his cousins - out frequently. My husband wouldn't allow it because it hurt our girls' feelings, so they eventually quit asking to take him at all. It's actually a blessing that our kids weren't close to them with how things turned out. The kids don't ask about them or why we never see them anymore. And my mom is as involved as a grandparent who lives half-way across the country from us can be, so she more than makes up for it. My husband's mother started guilt-tripping my oldest for not visiting her a couple years ago right in front of my husband. He was only nine at the time and found it very confusing. That sealed the deal that our kids will never be alone with them again. It's so sad to have grandparents so intent on manipulation that even the kids aren't safe from it! Hang in there!

    1. They met my parents at our wedding. That's all. But they even had other people (unrelated) buying things and trying to manipulate my kids. Fortunately, my kids knew something felt wrong about the gifts and instructions for them and came to talk to us about them. And we had to teach our very young children about manipulation. It angers me. I'm glad your mom is involved and that the others aren't confusing your kids. That hurts my heart to have the kids involved.