Thursday, September 21, 2017

Piano Guys Fight Song

I mentioned the Piano Guys cover of Fight Song on my facebook page. Here's the video. Amazing.

Piano Guys: Fight Song


Again, no affiliate. Just something that reaches my soul and inspires, and I love to share.

Splinters--My symbol of everything

Standing in the middle of my kitchen, looking at the water damage, the rancid smell of old house and old mold wafting under my nose, and invisioning that nest must have been the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (based on its size), I knew, in that moment that my marriage wasn't as broken as it appeared.
Completely backwards, considering everything I was looking at was broken.
Nevertheless, the house became what it started out for me.

A symbol of everything. The pain. The healing. The s%@!t (literal mouse feces). The splinters. The safety. The waiting. Everything.

And with each whack and scrape, I saw in my mind's eye parts of me that are broken, breaking, or needing to be remodeled. And I cried. There in my overalls and tennis shoes I cried like this:

(only not nearly as cute)

Knowing that things with my marriage can (crossing fingers) be rebuilt. And things within me can be fixed. And all the old crap can be taken out with the refuge when the trash man comes again.

This journey has been a lonely one. I'd love to journey with friends. Please follow this blog or you can follow me on facebook and we can journey together. Whatever you are going through (everybody has their stuff). Let's journey together.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

I love Trash

Confession: I love trash.

Not in an Oscar the Grouch kind of way though. I don't enjoy living amongst it.

I get super excited for trash day. And for a sight like this.

I'm thinking that is kind of weird...but I'm ok with it. I find it cleansing.

I even sneak trash into neighbor's trash cans after they've put them out. Ours is over flowing and there is no more room, so I fill up theirs a little more...I also think this is weird...Husband does too...but I'm ok with that too.

I'm going to think of this as being excited to get rid of trash in my life. Be it people. Cluttery stuff. Water damaged wood. Damaged emotions. Whatever the garbage is, I want it gone. I don't have room for garbage. Literal or figurative. (Though I think I'll stop there...because I really don't want to pawn figurative garbage off onto unsuspecting innocents...)

Monday, September 11, 2017

Power Tools Give You Power

I reached it.

My limit.

Things in the kitchen were moving along great again and we hit another wall. (Not literally...those literal walls we take out whenever possible.) Things stalled then fizzled. I've been living in a kitchen with gross glue-covered subflooring, studs, and no ceiling for almost a year now.

I need it done.

I don't know what the hang up is this time. But I need things to keep moving forward. I don't care the speed. They can inch forward for all I care. But I need movement.

So, I took matters into my own hands.

I think that is one of the things I've lost in my battle against the abuse and the struggle with Husband's addiction. Losing many parts of myself. But the one I miss the most is the capable part. The part that looks at something and just gets it done.

I grew up with a dad who traveled a ton. But when he wasn't traveling we were working. But it was awesome. I learned how to work hard...and love it. I was using power tools at a super young age (safely). And that is what I want for my kids. The freedom that comes with capability. To look at something and not just hope it will someday happen...but grab that drill or saw or impact driver and get it done.

Husband's parents were not like that. And I don't know how it happened, but I allowed them (and partially Husband, because it was the culture he was raised in) to take it from me, my capability and my own power. It angers me to the core. But no more. They will not have that power.

Sidenote: it's amazing what power tools can do for a depressed soul...

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

'They said SNOW!'

I went to the grocery store today and felt a bit like this:

Image result for overloaded grocery cart

Now, with family and friends in disaster areas they have sent me live photos of the grocery store shelves, and my heart hurts for the people there unable to do simple things like grocery shop. I can't imagine.

My insane gluttony of 'stuff' had nothing to do with being prepared, rather...there were some really good sales.

I'm also trying to balance our budget out. Which to us means less hits of Costco trips.

In my efforts to do this, I'm trying to guess how much normal sized shampoo we use and get that on sale...enough to last us until the next sale. I mean a Costco one can last for MONTHS! But when my hair reaches the middle of my back...those teeny tiny bottles go pretty quickly.

How do you balance it all? I mean really? I went way over budget. But everything was on sale. So, I think that in the long run it will be better...but...for now, ouch. How do you do it?

Image result for overloaded grocery cart

Also, where we used to live, if there was a mention of a possibility of snow, this video is a pretty accurate description of what it was like. It wouldn't even SNOW and the shelves of the grocery store would be bare! I can't imagine what would happen in the case of a natural disaster. My hat is off to those hit by Harvey and those who go and help. It is amazing. The love, the service, the people. I am in awe.