Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Conquer Abuse by Overwriting Your Thought Process


My childhood best friend puts on a brave face. But those puffy eyes and cracking voice tell the story of how she's really doing since her ex drove into that cement wall at over 100mph leaving her without child support or alimony, desperately looking for a job and a mess of his lawsuits to clean up.

"Want to know how many interviews I've had? Over twenty. Want to know how many job offers? None. NONE." 'Shelly's exasperation melts into defeat.

I've had a front row seat to her decade-long relationship, and it's demise, from the beginning.


Seeing his abuse eat away at Shelly's confidence, self-worth, motivation, and even her desire to shave her legs--my anger is so intense the smoke billowing from my ears turns as red as my hair. With each story, more outrageous than the last, fire heats my body.

Singing 'Earl' by the Dixie Chicks usually calms us both down, but not enough this time.

We didn't have to take any drastic measures. Her Earl didn't 'walk right through the restraining order', he put himself in intensive care.

Watching her scramble to pick up the pieces, I want to smack her.

That sounds counterproductive seeing as how she just got out of an abusive relationship, and abuse infuriates me to the point of erupting.


Her inner voice is now overwritten and instead of fighting through the hard like she used to, she jumps to conclusions and magnifies the negative, and is taking on the shape of Eyore himself!

Renee Jain calls these "thought holes" or "skewed perceptions of reality." In her article, talking about 8 holes that people create for themselves, Shelly falls into all of them. (Mental filtering, Personalising, Emotional Reasoning, Etc) Making it difficult to walk in a straight line or see the good coming from the tragedy.

My smacking her is to get all those perceptions of reality back into their original place. To find her fighting spirit. To, as Renee Jain calls it "paint an accurate picture and get back to original thoughts." I hear Husband's parents' voices in my head, more than my parents' after their abuse, and can empathize with Shelly and work along side her on overwriting our thought processes.

Both rewrites haves me so angry--Shelly's ex rewired her to be paranoid, and negative, and victimized. Husband's parents rewrote me to be submissive to the point of a drinking bird.


No more.

No more white flags of surrender.

No more drinking water!

Let's hear that battle cry.

You are conquering something astronomical friends. Just the acknowledgment alone is a win. Each battle cry you sound and old abusive thought you overwrite, you step higher. Reaching that goal--whatever your goal may be. And coming into your own, being free from abuse, negative thoughts, and hairy legs.

Keep going, you're doing great!


Please follow this blog or facebook and we can journey together. Whatever you are going through, the journey's more fun with friends.

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